Value Yourself
This article was first published in the Hindustan Times on Nov 15, 2014. All rights reserved with Hindustan Times.
How many times in our lives have we done things for others, at the cost of our own happiness, thinking that we have done our good deed for the day?
Felt very noble and honorable, for putting others before ourselves? Seen ourselves through another’s eyes and let it affect us? Almost always. How many of us can look at ourselves in the mirror and honestly tell ourselves how wonderful and truly magnificent we are, and believe in it.
Sadly, it is easier to talk about the good deeds of others, rather than of our own. Too many of us under value what we are, and over value what we are not.
Babies are born knowing their self worth. However, somewhere in the growing up process, they are conditioned by the expectations, comments and attitudes of people around them, thus wearing thin this natural sense of self worth.
The biggest bane today is judgement. People judge others to affirm their own self worth. It’s a survival mechanism. When you put someone down, a part of you remains down, so you may not soar as high as you otherwise might. Certain standards have been laid down- standards of beauty, fitness, intelligence- and anyone who doesn’t reach these standards are deemed worthless.
A few years ago, during one of my down-in-the-dumps moments, one of my favourite teachers sat me down and explained to me why the pronoun ‘I’ is always capitalised when we write it. He said that it’s a way of respecting yourself. By capitalising it, you are emphasising on your worth and uniqueness.
He further added that our mistakes are the stripes that we have earned in our lives- a proof of our experiences. Never be ashamed of them. His words have always remained with me.
To love oneself through all of life’s experiences, and realising that there is no value in putting oneself down- the knowledge that amongst all the choices to choose from, the best one is to love oneself- that is being loyal to one’s soul. In the end, how you treat and see yourself is how the world will see and treat you.
However, your value is also determined by how you treat others, as how you treat others is a direct reflection of how you treat yourself. As American author Leo F. Buscaglia put it -“Value Yourself. The only people who appreciate a door-mat are people with dirty shoes.”
The biggest favour you can do for yourself is to have a sense of what is ‘real’- a real sense of who you are, what your values are, what you surround yourself with. Never apologise for what you feel. It’s like saying sorry for being real. Who or what you decide to spend the most time, thoughts and efforts on, depends exactly on how much you like and value yourself.
Cutting people from your life is sometimes a necessary exercise, and it does not mean you hate them- rather, it simply means you respect yourself.
When you start to give more importance to someone in your life than yourself, you tend to lose your value in theirs. Keep the balance. Know how to be alone with yourself, to forgive, be happy and be content with you, before you try and be happy with someone else. You exist for a reason.
The trick is to appreciate your uniqueness- to understand truly that you are a gift to anyone who meets you. You are the best at being ‘you’- accept everything. That is the beginning and that is the end. No apologies. No regrets.
Note: Kamalrukh Khan is a Mumbai-based Clinical Hypnotherapist and Wellness Coach. She’s intuitive, strong and positive and loves travelling. She believes travelling to a new country is the best education she can give her kids. Painting and flying a plane or chopper top her bucket-list.